Ben's First Day of Kindergarten!!

At home before heading out.

Outside the school -a little bit sunny, and quite the squinty face, but cute nonetheless.

Sitting in class getting to work! He's just a good kid. This is Ben's "really mom, another picture?" face. :) Today Ben started Kindergarten!! YAY!! It was awesome. Joe has Mondays off, so he too got to be there to drop Ben off at class.

(A few weeks ago, we found out Ben had gotten into the charter school we thought he'd never get into. His lottery number had been high, and we though there was no chance. Yet, a week before school, he was accepted!! It's quite the commitment for him to being going there, but well worth it.)

We had already met his teacher so he wasn't nervous to be back in class. Plus, a little girl he knew (and had a crush on) from his first year of preschool was there! He already has a built in friend, and she's a cute one ta boot. :) Ben sat down right away and got to work, as instructed. Joe and I both got a quick kiss goodbye and we were off. Although, we wander the halls to tour the school.

I am so excited for Ben to be starting school, he's a super smart kid and he wants to learn everything. A whole new world starts for us all with our first kid entering elementary school.

Kade's Back to School!

He's BACK!! Yay! If you can't tell by the pictures, he was really excited to be back at his preschool. It's a great place! Kade was able to get five months of preschool last year, so there was nothing new about going to school. This morning was just routine. However, last year, he didn't bat an eye at me leaving, shed a tear, or get nervous; nothing phases this kid. He's the most fearless kid I've ever known.

The funny story of the whole morning was, after he put his back pack away, he stood up and announced he farted. His teacher said, "You did? Whoa." ('cause Kade's face was pretty excited.) He said, "Yeah, we're the 'Fart Brothers'!"

Oh, yeah, that's my son.....well, both my oldest sons. I finally learned, this afternoon, that last night while talking in their room they decided to become "The Fart Brothers". Yay! ;)

It was a good day, and I'm glad for Kade that he's back at work and back having new experiences and meeting new kids.

Exactly What I Needed

So, as a follow up to the previous post. The picnic was exactly what I needed! I talked to several moms and saw their children. I saw a more than amazing future for Carter. I've always felt blessed, but now even more so. Carter will be more than fine -he is and will be amazing
Thank you women for the validation of my feelings, and I feel a little of the weight lifted. I know I will have to deal with other repressed stuff -but, I guess that will be later. ;)

It's Been Four Months, but.......

It's been four months since Carter had his stroke, but I never stop thinking about it. I'm not "worried" as much as I just can't forget. I don't negatively dwell on it for hours-even minutes- at a time, it just comes into my mind throughout the day. Every time I nurse him, I think of the night; every time he cries out in the night to eat or otherwise, I think of that night. When I'm nursing him at night, I re-live moments of that night alone. I think about it when I watch him grab for things with his left hand, and when I see his arm drag a little when he army crawls and every time I pick him up and keep in mind which side I'm holding him on. Lately, it just feels like I'm thinking of it even MORE.

He is doing SO well; he's really progressing and I'm grateful, and I'm positive, and let him be a normal kid. I even make myself toss him in the air -which I never did to the other boys- as a way to reassure myself that he's not fragile and to force/help me to relax. But, sometimes it just gets a little overwhelming to think it all happened and isn't something that goes away. Sometimes I just want to break down and cry all over again -even though, he's okay. Is that weird?

This weekend there is an annual picnic for families affected by childhood stroke. (It's put on by Carter's neurologist) I am planning on going. I just want to talk to at least one other mom who has been exactly in my shoes. I want to hear their story and see their child. I just want to connect to another mom who feels this way. I'm trying not to get to anxious, but I really need to meet someone there. I am not a person who looses hope or focuses on the negative "what ifs" I have full faith that Carter will be amazing, and that no one will see a difference between him and any other kid. But, this thing is still on my mind. I wonder when the day will be when it isn't something I think about regularly.

And, I rarely talk about the stroke with anybody -other than the affects we're seeing and his progress. I don't want to sit there and cry and blub to somebody and conjure all the drama, so I just talk about the good stuff. But, I want to talk about the crazy night and how panicked I was even though I "held it together so well", and how physically tired I was that I couldn't even hold him much throughout the hospital stay and how badly I felt about that. I want to talk about the crazy EKG and how the guy wouldn't tell me anything and how I talked myself into thinking it was fine. I just want to get it all out, but there's never been the right time, or I just don't have the time. I want someone to ask me questions to help me get out the stuff I don't even know is in there. Sorry to anyone who reads this. I don't mean to be a downer; I just had to post this, because of the weight it's been on my chest lately. I can't wait to -hopefully- meet another mom and talk and maybe cry....a little.....or a lot.