Kade's Back to School!

He's BACK!! Yay! If you can't tell by the pictures, he was really excited to be back at his preschool. It's a great place! Kade was able to get five months of preschool last year, so there was nothing new about going to school. This morning was just routine. However, last year, he didn't bat an eye at me leaving, shed a tear, or get nervous; nothing phases this kid. He's the most fearless kid I've ever known.

The funny story of the whole morning was, after he put his back pack away, he stood up and announced he farted. His teacher said, "You did? Whoa." ('cause Kade's face was pretty excited.) He said, "Yeah, we're the 'Fart Brothers'!"

Oh, yeah, that's my son.....well, both my oldest sons. I finally learned, this afternoon, that last night while talking in their room they decided to become "The Fart Brothers". Yay! ;)

It was a good day, and I'm glad for Kade that he's back at work and back having new experiences and meeting new kids.

Exactly What I Needed

So, as a follow up to the previous post. The picnic was exactly what I needed! I talked to several moms and saw their children. I saw a more than amazing future for Carter. I've always felt blessed, but now even more so. Carter will be more than fine -he is and will be amazing
Thank you women for the validation of my feelings, and I feel a little of the weight lifted. I know I will have to deal with other repressed stuff -but, I guess that will be later. ;)

It's Been Four Months, but.......

It's been four months since Carter had his stroke, but I never stop thinking about it. I'm not "worried" as much as I just can't forget. I don't negatively dwell on it for hours-even minutes- at a time, it just comes into my mind throughout the day. Every time I nurse him, I think of the night; every time he cries out in the night to eat or otherwise, I think of that night. When I'm nursing him at night, I re-live moments of that night alone. I think about it when I watch him grab for things with his left hand, and when I see his arm drag a little when he army crawls and every time I pick him up and keep in mind which side I'm holding him on. Lately, it just feels like I'm thinking of it even MORE.

He is doing SO well; he's really progressing and I'm grateful, and I'm positive, and let him be a normal kid. I even make myself toss him in the air -which I never did to the other boys- as a way to reassure myself that he's not fragile and to force/help me to relax. But, sometimes it just gets a little overwhelming to think it all happened and isn't something that goes away. Sometimes I just want to break down and cry all over again -even though, he's okay. Is that weird?

This weekend there is an annual picnic for families affected by childhood stroke. (It's put on by Carter's neurologist) I am planning on going. I just want to talk to at least one other mom who has been exactly in my shoes. I want to hear their story and see their child. I just want to connect to another mom who feels this way. I'm trying not to get to anxious, but I really need to meet someone there. I am not a person who looses hope or focuses on the negative "what ifs" I have full faith that Carter will be amazing, and that no one will see a difference between him and any other kid. But, this thing is still on my mind. I wonder when the day will be when it isn't something I think about regularly.

And, I rarely talk about the stroke with anybody -other than the affects we're seeing and his progress. I don't want to sit there and cry and blub to somebody and conjure all the drama, so I just talk about the good stuff. But, I want to talk about the crazy night and how panicked I was even though I "held it together so well", and how physically tired I was that I couldn't even hold him much throughout the hospital stay and how badly I felt about that. I want to talk about the crazy EKG and how the guy wouldn't tell me anything and how I talked myself into thinking it was fine. I just want to get it all out, but there's never been the right time, or I just don't have the time. I want someone to ask me questions to help me get out the stuff I don't even know is in there. Sorry to anyone who reads this. I don't mean to be a downer; I just had to post this, because of the weight it's been on my chest lately. I can't wait to -hopefully- meet another mom and talk and maybe cry....a little.....or a lot.

Better Late then Never...

Way back a millions months ago, I had the boys' pictures taken for Father's Day. And, I have posted a few of the pictures on facebook. But, it's about time I post a few of the pictures to my blog, so later it can become a blog book. It was a pretty cute photo shoot. I love the pictures of the boys with their little fire hats on. I am grateful for these three little guys of mine. They are better kids then I could have dreamed for. They are just incredible and I am one lucky mama.

Two Graduations! Two Graduation Boys!

Kade's graduation was last Thursday. It's fun to think that he'll have two more of these. He did a really good job. And, seemed to be a leader in his class. When the teachers wanted the kids to sing louder, they'd whisper "Kade sing louder." -he would, and then the other kids would notice him and would start singing louder. (afterwards the teacher had explained that Kade is a go-getter type of kid, and so they use him to help the other kids perk up. I love it!) Plus, Kade stole the spot light a little by adding a few little side notes during the program. When the teacher said, "It is "so and so's graduation." Kade said, "And it's mine." Everybody laughed. And then when the teacher said, "This is what Kade had to say about preschool..." Kade just piped up and said, "I said I liked -and then he said a few things he liked (but I can't remember all that he said.)." Then the teacher finished reading everything else on Kade's paper. He's a ham although I don't think he annoyed anybody. It was cute.

Although Kade was only in preschool for five months, he's grown a lot and learned so much. He has always felt he was older than he was and being in preschool just made him all the more confident and mature. I'm so glad he had these experiences. It's been fun watching the growth.

There's no doubt this boy will be a heart breaker. He's so handsome! Joe had the foresight to get a graduation picture now to have to compare with high school. I can imagine what he'll look like then, and he'll be gorgeous. We love this boy and are so proud of all he's done.

Ben's graduation was Friday! He was so excited and just happened to be randomly seated in between his two "best friends" Treycen and Parker which he was so happy about. Plus it's nice for memory sake to have all three in one picture. (I know the hat wasn't on straight, he played with it a few times, and he looks so bald 'cause I gave the boys haircuts a few days before.)

Ben sang all the songs and did the dances. I loved it. He has just gotten so big and I'm excited for what's coming up!

This is Miss Lindsey! She was both of our boys favorite teacher! She was just so sweet and she really loved Kade and Ben. Ben was the last kid called up for his "diploma" and when Miss Traci called him up, she said, "last but not least, Our Ben!" She had called him "our Ben" earlier in the program too, and Miss Lindsey got teary eyed when she was saying good bye to the five year old class, and insisted I sign both boys up for summer camp, so she can see them through the summer. I even love Miss Lindsey.

Ben has just gotten soo big! I can't believe he starts Kindergarten!! He'll do well, and I am grateful for all his preschool time.

Carter -We Love Him!

Here's Carter, my smiley happy little guy. He's getting big and learning new things all the time. It's exciting to see him grow and develop. His left side, lately, had been falling behind his right, but an Occupational Therapist came to evaluate him and show me some thigns to do to help. Within a couple days, he's improved things adn can now roll over from his back to his stomach and then back to his back. He is now rolling all over the place. I am so excited and grateful that we could stave off any long term problems if we address them now.

Sorry this picture is sideways -I can't ge it to rotate. Anyway, Carter is now six months old!! He is a big time babbler and loves everybody. He is just too cute for words! I love this little guy.

Here's Carter mid-babble. I think he's gonna be a talker like his brothers!

My crazy trio! I am so glad to have these three big boys in my life. I love their incredible personalities and amazingly sweet spirits. I couldn't have asked for anything better.

A Few Carter Pictures.

I need to take WAY more pictures of Carter. I don't have as many as I should. These were just a few recent cute ones. I love this kid!

He was moving so much some pictures were blurry. But you can still see his cute little smile and his precious little face.

The Best of the Boys.

Crazy hair day at preschool

Sweet Boy!

I love when they play together and dress up and pretend. It's so fun and very entertaining to watch! Carter gets in on the fun too sometimes.

They are nuts.

I just needed to FINALLY post some pictures (some from over a year ago) of the boys at their best and most typical.

The Sweetest Kid.

Last night, after feeding Carter, I snuck into the boys' room (as I always do when I'm up) to re-cover them with their blankets or to straighten them out in the their beds. After I re-covered both boys and walked out the door, I heard a whisper, "Mom." "Mom." I cracked open the door and poked my head in and whispered, "What?" (I wasn't even sure which boy was calling for me.) But, Kade lifted his head off the pillow and said, "I love you." I told him I loved him too, and he put his head back down and went back to sleep. Kade has thanked me several times for doing his laundry when I've snuck in to put clothes away, but this was the best thing ever! It was so unexpected and so nice to hear. I love this kid! In addition! I went into the boys room several nights later, to, again, check on the boys, straighten them out and re-cover them. When I got to Ben, I started putting his blankets back across him, and he looked up, realized it was me and both arms shot up, opened wide and reached for a hug. I gave him a big hug, kissed him and he rolled over and went back to sleep. Amazing! Both of my boys are just incredible! I am one lucky mama.

The Latest....

We are finally home and so happy to be. We were there for a full week. My bed never felt so comfy as it did last night -i'm sure Joe and the boys felt the same. Tuesday, the doctors did a last minute test that was more just a bonus test -they just wanted to check on "one little thing" and then we'd be going home. The test was an ultra sound of the brain where the inject microscopic bubbles in to the blood stream and then they listen to the bubbles moving around. Well, as they did the ultrasound, they heard/saw something that led them back to the heart. So, they DID find a hole in his heart. They are not too worried that a stroke will happen again -long story- so hopefully that's true. They usually don't do surgery to fix this particular hole, a "PFO"-apparently, and 1/3 of adults has this and never knows. The docs found no other clots in his legs that could make their way up, so they figure aspirin is good enough to help any clotting problems long term. Still, i feel a little like there's something hanging over my head -again, it's just another test for my faith that the Lord is going to keep him safe. Carter is a little weaker on his left side and sometimes has to think about it a little before he makes a move, but overall I think he's doing really well. We will start talking to "early intervention" rehabilitation to help his brain figure out how to get around the injured brain. There is a considerable section of brain affected, yet, there's high hopes that not all of it is "dead", hopefully just "stunned" or "sick". We go back up to SLC on the 19th for a follow up, and we'll probably all be at church Sunday.

I want to thank everybody again for everything. (There are so many things people have done, that I'll have to thank you all individually as I have the time to make a treat or something.)There is no doubt in my mind we have been blessed from the all prayers said on our behalf. I have never felt so lifted and strengthened. I know that having Carter's name in the temple, no doubt, helped him recover as well as he has. I am just more thankful than I can say for all the many things that were done for us. THANK YOU!!! We love you all!